Is this the world's thickest criminal?

A so-called computer hacker who bungled a blackmail attempt on Barclays Bank has been given a three-year prison sentence after he messed up a £200,000 sting.

White van man Stuart Kearns threatened to hack into the bank's IT systems unless he received the £200,000 pay-off - but the heist turned into a disaster. Kearns was picked up by Croydon police on 31 January after his getaway with the money went horribly wrong. The police captured him after a wrong turn on his escape led him down a cul-de-sac.

Kearns had sent the bank a blackmail note, written on his father-in-law's typewriter. It stated Barclays' IT systems would be hacked and staff placed in danger if the ransom was not paid.

In support of his guilt, the Inner London Crown court was presented with a 775 word essay, written by the hapless Kearns, on how to rob a bank.